First order of business: I’m a Cosmo girl now! For those of you who may not know, I was approached by Cosmopolitan.com to a be a featured blogger for their website. Hallelujah, I have everyone fooled! People think I’m a writer! This means two things: First, I may be blogging a little less on this site to accommodate my deadlines for Cosmo. Second, that doesn’t really matter because I will be posting my Cosmo blogs on this site as well! Read, share, and enjoy! Here’s post number one in case you missed it!
http://www.cosmopolitan.com/
Now back to ChemoCouture land!
As you can see from my last post, I was having a ton of fun with the wigs. Each one I put on gave me a fresh attitude and a new way to carry myself. The long one made me feel like a socialite with not a care in the world except which club to go to tonight. The red finger wave catapulted me into an era of intense glamour and desire. The short brown one acted as an invisibility cloak, allowing me to carry on with my life as normal with no one being the wiser. Interestingly, I also noticed people treated me in slightly different ways depending on what crown I adorned myself with. The red super hero wig made people a little nervous! Salespeople seemed anxious about upsetting me, almost as if this fiery red head was going to lunge at them from across the counter if they made one false move. It really is a super hero wig! It has the power to scare people into submission!
Up to this point, my concern about people’s reactions to my appearance was what kept me from unveiling the one look I hadn’t tried yet: Bare. I had been prepping myself for the things I imagined people would think about me. They ranged from schoolyard taunts like Baldy or Chrome Dome and went to derogatory ideas like Skin Head or Hardcore. But the worst term I could imagine that people could think about me was Sick. There was no hiding it now. I would be bald and everyone would be able to see it. I knew that no one would say these things to me out loud but they might be thinking it and I would read it all over their faces. They could pity me, patronize me, thank God they aren’t me. All things I wasn’t sure I was ready to confront.
Like everything on this path I’m on, I needed to get over this hang up and fast. Wigs are fun but they are just not practical. They itch, they’re hot, they require maintenance, and they start to give me a headache if I wear them for more than four hours. Not to mention it’s just plain weird at times! I’m constantly reintroducing myself to people I’ve known for years, their eyes blinking quickly until they finally recognize the updated me. It’s not any better with strangers. When I walk into public places, I may as well be wearing a chicken on my head. That’s how strange it feels to know this weave you’re sporting doesn’t belong on you. I attempt to meet a new person and it’s all I can do to not blurt out “Hi I’m Krystacanyoutellthisisawig??” Getting comfortable with my scalp was necessary to my comfort, convenience and sanity.
Peter and I decided to try it out for the first time on a trip to the movies. I figured if I chickened out, at least it would be dark for two hours! (I should mention that we were in California at the time and this should not be attempted in cold climates in March!) I approached the ticket counter and the woman acted so unfazed it was almost surreal. She didn’t look at me pitifully. She didn’t act afraid of me. None of the things I had feared came true. She did her job, printed my ticket and sent me to the theatre. We watched the film, enjoyed ourselves immensely and the thought didn’t enter my mind again. Afterward, I went to the restroom and an older woman was walking in with me. The thoughts came back again. Is she scared of me? Does she think I’m an angry person who balded herself with rage? Does she think I’m an immature hipster? Does she think I’m contagious? Does she think I’m dying? We washed our hands together at the sink and she turned to me to speak. As her mouth opened, I braced myself for what she had to say. Here it comes………”How did you like the movie?”
I was floored. That’s it?! We continued in polite banter, something I as a New Yorker have always had trouble with, and then we went our separate ways. Her question was so benign, so innocently inquisitive. As I encountered more people and had more of these simple interactions I realized something. If I don’t pity myself, people won’t pity me. If I don’t bite heads off bats, people won’t think I’m a deranged skin head. If I don’t act sick, they won’t see me as sick. But they DO want to get to know me. They sense I have a story, one that I need to tell to feel free. They ask, they listen, they smile. They are rooting for me. They know I can do it. They know because I told them so.
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All photos taken by Peter!
Color correction and photo editing: Adam Deen. adamdeen.nyc
You look fuckin’ hot, girl! Keep it up!! 🙂
Nice abs in that First Cosmo photo…
Nice to know you’re not alone, eh?
Nice to realize that people are generally good and decent, huh?
Nice to hear you are coping…
<3
Trite as it may sound, I sincerely mean it when I say you have a beautifully shaped head. I’d be scared to death to find out what kind of lumps & bumps have been hiding under there all these years. Good on ya, girl! Walk proud! Wait – make that STRUT proud!!!
Fave photo is the one at the bottom! Krysta you are amazing! <3
Perfectly glamorous, either way! You absolutely rock your style; I love it!
Hi Krysta,
You look beautiful bald, with hair and I get even rocking a scarf. The scarf was my favorite the most comfortable and still warm in the winter. Once spring came you would find me bald, the itch and tightness of the wig was too much.
I hope you love your hair like I do when it’s starts growing out. Continued love and prayers. Dawne
You are rocking that bald head!! Some day we will laugh that we had to go bald to treat cancer….until then we need strong women like you all around us to rock the baldness. Not only is it helping your esteem, it’s helping others battling the same insecurity. It’s not what’s up top or not up top that is important. Thank you for contribution to strength.
Side note: Have you checked out http://chemobeanies.biz/ ? I thought they have nice silky fabrics, easy and nice during the colder months for warmth.
A quote I found that I thought you’d enjoy:
“What Cancer Cannot Do
Cancer is so limited…
It cannot cripple Love
It cannot shatter Hope
It cannot corrode Faith
It cannot destroy Peace
It cannot kill Friendship
It cannot suppress Memories
It cannot silence Courage
It cannot invade the Soul
It cannot steal eternal Life
It cannot conquer the Spirit”
-Author Unknown
xx
Krysta, I am beyond inspired by you and so proud to say I was once your Dad. On stage anyway. Thank you for your honesty and your strength. Sending my love to you.
You are amazing. Keep rocking it, you look great! 🙂
I love reading your blog posts here on ChemoCouture! I am so happy that you’ve landed the Cosmo job! YAY! More Krysta!! But what I am most happy about is that you’ve come to the same realization of what we think of you all along and will continue to do so: Beautiful, strong, and courageous inside and out, with or without hair. 🙂
It makes me so happy to see you constantly finding ways to smile through this whole process. Never let that go (unless guys are telling you to smile, then rock that bitch face).
And congrats on being a Cosmo lady! I’m expecting a crazy fierce cover shoot soon!
Hi Krysta, loved your Cosmo blog & your regular blog. Enjoyed the “This is our Year” videos. Yall were great, wish I could have been there. Keep up the great work & great spirit. Lov you, SusanLong (JJ’s Nana)
We are all different. That´s the only thing we have in common.
You are still my #2 on celebrities I am allowed to sleep with and my significant other can’t get mad. And lets be real, no one can top NPH… Any who! Ever since I saw Addams family on Bway, you are the one who could turn me to women 😉
You look more and more like a rock star everytime I see your pics. Glad you are showing off your new style. You go girl. Be proud. We are proud of you.
Krysta, I am pretty much in awe of you and your sassiness, LOVE it! I look forward to reading your blog, it makes for a great day. I was just a little bit older than you when BC came knocking and I did my best to beat the shit out of it and I’m still standing. Btw, my 23yro son told me about chemo couture knowing I would appreciate it and he is a fan of yours and working towards the stage after having just graduated from CCM. Thanks for sharing all of this…you are fierce!
You are and have always been fiercely amazing. In 2008, I had a lump removed as a precaution, but that friggin wait time to find out what was up, was terrifying. I admire your willingness to go public and share YOU.
You rock that beautiful bald head! You’re amazing!
Girl, you rockin that style. You are giving me Sinead before she got all crazy. Get after it, Diva.